Mourning-stars

So a few stars have crossed over this week.  The one that played Snape, the one married to a pop star, another rock star, and a couple others.


And people are going RIP and how will we live without them and I cried and cried and cried. 


I will admit, I cried when Freddie Prinze (Senior, and he was much better than his offspring),

put a bullet in his head, but I was about thirteen years old.  I haven't cried for any actor or celebrity since.

Why are people acting like they personally knew these entertainers?  They've never had dinner with them, petted their dogs, attended any event the entertainers attended, except maybe concerts.

AND to mourn some drug-addled uber-wealthy asshole who died by overdose or "accidental" suicide is insane.  Granted, none of the deaths this week were due to that, but those cases, and the mourning, are not rare.  Not at all.

If you didn't have a personal relationship with them, stop acting like it.  You'll never meet their poor, orphaned children, you won't be missing that weekly coffee at that cute little café, you can't cry because you'll never hear their voices on the phone asking about your day anymore, you aren't personally affected by their deaths.  There is no empty chair at your table, because they never occupied one in their lifetime.  Some people act like their spouses died.  That is creepy.

Yes, feel sad at the loss of the entertainment value, because that is personal.  But don't go on and on about how the world has lost just the greatest, sweetest, most wonderful star ever, because you don't know that.  You only know the character(s) they played, or the music they sang.  That is not the same.

For me, it's "Oh, he/she is dead.  Oh well."  And I don't care who it is.  All actors die, all musicians die. 

We all die. 

We damn near killed you, let us have another crack at it

I saw some idiot meme on Facebook today, referencing one Cassandra Fortin.  The smug self-righteousness of the meme made me look up the case.


Rational reaction went right out the window.


The greed of the medical establishment is absolutely mind-boggling.  There is no reason at all to trust anybody in health care, no reason at all.  This is something I've known since I was five years old, and BEING a nurse has done nothing to lessen my intense distrust of doctors.


I'll let you look the case up yourself.  I'll simply tell you how I would have dealt with it, from the prisoner's position or the parents from whom she was kidnapped.


As the prisoner, I would have made the staff's life an emotional hell.  Yes, they strapped her down like an animal and kept her strapped down so she had NO control over her body, but I would have called every single doctor, every single nurse, every single aide, every single janitor every single filthy name every single moment of every single day.  Yes, they can force nutrition, but vomiting can't be stopped.  I would have asked the dirty filthy bastards what kind of sick perverts they were.  I would have accused every single male of rape, and for that matter, every single female of sexual assault.


As the parent -- well, hunting down the bastards and their families isn't that damn hard.  And everyone has someone they don't want to lose.  NO I'M NOT JOKING.


The last updates were from the staff, saying that she was happy and loving them and understood why they assaulted and battered her and roses and rainbows and unicorns.  Oddly enough, they refused to allow anyone to speak to HER. 


Further research:  She was released, and the science/medical community is pissed about her speaking out against her imprisonment.  Further, it was plain that the medical community was nearly the death of her through incompetence in diagnosis.  Why would she or her parents have trusted them?  Oh, because Science is GOD and all the scientists its disciples, and doctors are infallible.


She's free now... maybe.  If she were smart, she would never allow another doctor to touch her.


And that leads to a final question:  If a child dies under chemo, should the physician be charged with murder if the child and parents did not wish it?

What's Good for the Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandcestor...

I like to look at things from an historical perspective


Thousands of years ago, there were no borders, and the incoming humans pushed the large fauna to extinction.  Drove entire herds off cliffs to harvest a day's worth of meat.


A few hundred years ago, there were no border restrictions, and the descendants of those above, who had, for the most part, learned to work with the land and its resources, after the sins of their ancestors had altered the ecosystem, faced the same fate from indifferent, greedy, coldly murderous "refugees" and immigrants.

The descendants of those refugees and immigrants faced influxes of people (also refugees from other lands) they didn't want here through Ellis Island and other routes, and despite "no Irish need apply" and anti-Semitism and the anti-Chinese hysteria of the late 1800s, the newcomers stayed and grew and took their chunks of this nation. A little less bloody, but not entirely without death and conflict.


And now the descendants of all that immigration of refugees are facing their own possibility of destruction and change from people who number among them those who believe that killing those who don't believe as they do is OK (not without its precedent in the major religions here), who believe that killing their daughters "for honor" is right, and who believe that all should convert to their religion (again, this has precedent in our history).


It's a cycle, folks. Nothing is going to stop it.


And on The President's possible veto, he should admit that the TSA has provided "... no meaningful additional security for the American people." Maybe he should back off on the groping of children by and the ridiculous power-tripping of TSA workers. It makes no difference in security, and that's been proven over and over.

There is no God but Science and Researchers are its Prophets

Every culture is revealed by its myths.  Every culture has its myths.  But those cultures ruled by their myths are doomed.  If the rest of the world is lucky.


Just thought I'd get that out of the way.


On to the topic:  Science and its followers.  Because that's truly the situation.  Scientists are quick to point out that people devoted to religion are fools following fairy tales.  That Creationism is laughable.  That they themselves know what happened billions of years ago.


Because someone told them the stories.  Their teachers, who know the facts, passed the facts on to them.  Everyone who believes anything else is wrong.


There are factions within science, those who believe one set of results and those who believe another.  And each sect despises the others, calls them fools.  Anyone who puts forth an idea that does not fit the current database is labeled a heretic, shunned and excommunicated from the larger scientific community.


Its students are inculcated with the beliefs they will hold to throughout their lives, through stories of the first scientists, through the trials and martyrdoms, through tales of victories over the nonbelievers.  Its teachers follow the doctrines as set in stone.  Its leaders are hidebound and Book-bound, citing studies as Gospel.  There is only one way.


Everyone needs something to believe in.  But it's time that scientists understand that the religious are not the only ones who believe in myths.

All Out of Love

Marriage.

Actually, let’s talk about divorce.  There are a lot of good reasons to end a marriage, but what I’m looking at is the reason most marriages are dissolved.

“I’m just not in love with him/her anymore.”

Well, you know what?  If you’re not in love anymore, you never were.  Admit that, and admit that you probably aren’t capable of love at all.  Particularly if you want a divorce so that you can go to another marriage with someone you do love.

You don’t love this person any more than you loved the person you’re married to.

Take a good look at it.  To say that love is gone is to say that the love for your children is gone, or the love for your animals, or for your parents.  It just doesn’t happen.  Either you feel love or you don’t.

This particular delusion about love, and falling out of love, is pretty rampant.  Leaving behind a string of exes in the search for your “one true love” is as American as McDonald’s.  And it’s ridiculous.  You might as well admit that, when you hit your third divorce, you’re not capable of love.  Whatever in your past has rendered you incapable of “staying in love,” deal with it and move on.  Stay single, and quit it!

Okay, let’s talk about a marriage in which you feel “trapped.”  You just don’t feel “it” anymore.  You’re not being cheated on, you’re not being beaten, you’re not being told every day that you’re a steaming pile of crap from the time you get up to the time you go to bed.  Deal with it.  There is no reason to dissolve a marriage in which nothing bad is happening, just because you don’t “love” your spouse anymore.  Whatever put you in that marriage in the first place is the same thing that you’re dealing with now.  Whatever it was that caused you to exchange vows with that person – she was comfortable to be around, he made you laugh, whatever, that still exists.  It may have altered for you because you’ve gotten bored with it, but it’s still there.  There’s no reason to end a marriage just because you’re “out of love.” 

All you want is the chance to search for the love you thought you found with this person.  And you’re not going to find it. 

You won’t find it.  You can’t find love, it has to be inside you.

There isn’t anything wrong with remaining in a marriage and pursuing your own interests.  I’m not talking about cheating, I find that abhorrent and I come from a long line of adulterers (literally), but hey, if it’s acceptable to both of you, go for it.  Pursuing your own interests means you develop your own circle of friends, your own hobbies, your own groups, and you get on with your life.

Again, I’m not saying stay with someone who’s abusive – and that covers a lot of territory – or cheating.  I’m talking about a spouse who’s going to be totally shocked and devastated when you wake up some morning and say, “I don’t love you anymore and I want a divorce.”

This is the adult equivalent of “I’m sick of this toy and I want to play with something else.  I’m bored.  Mommy, buy me something else.”

Nobody is going to buy you love.

This is the life that you bought.  Live with it, there are no returns.

Now, let’s explore my personal favorite for walking away from a stable but boring marriage.  “He’s neglecting me.”  You have a husband who’s a doctor or an executive or a lawyer who works 16 to 20 hours a day building his practice or screwing the competition or whatever.  And you feel neglected.

If he was doing this when you married him, and you thought, “Oh, boy, I’m marrying someone who’s bright and ambitious – and rich (or will be someday),” get over it.  If you’re bored, it’s probably because you’re boring.  He might be bored with you, but he has his work.  Find something to do, go back to college, join some social or volunteer organization, start your own business, just do something.

And, if you’re one of those professionals whose spouse stood by you through the lean years, through the learning and building process, and you walk away after you’re successful to trade him or her in on a newer model, then your soon-to-be ex deserves to get 75% of your gross income for eternity, no questions asked.

The upshot of all this is that most marriages these days, because of movies, books and TV, are begun in the heat of passion.  Not love, heat.  It’s exciting, it’s new.  What people don’t want to understand is that that fades.  What you have then is a comfort level.

If you had nothing in common in the beginning except sex, or doing exciting things together, people get tired and slow down, and sex decreases.

The intensity is going to fade.

You’re both going to grow up, change, move in the same or different directions, and learn new things.  But that doesn’t mean you need to walk away.

If you do, you walk into another relationship of fire and passion, and that’s going to fade, too.  It’s always going to fade.  You can’t be in a relationship for thirty years and have the same intensity the relationship had in the first year (or even before the wedding – most people have been in full relationships for months or years before walking down the aisle).  It’s going to fade, life is going to change, children usually come, you go through houses and cars and jobs, financial status changes for worse or better, and you grow.  You’re going to have fights, people in your family are going to have fights, they’re going to die or move or disagree with you.  Relationships alter.  These things are normal, and no reason to walk away.

Just as the world is not here to amuse you and keep you stimulated, your spouse isn’t there to amuse you and keep you stimulated.  Marriage is a partnership, both of you bringing something into it.  If you’re bored, again, it’s likely that you’re slacking some on your part of the bargain.  Do something.

I do not claim to be a marriage expert.  In fact, I don’t believe that anyone should be married.  But, if you’re married, it is your duty to stay till death do you part.  Not until Bored do you part.

Time Does Not Heal, But It Does March On

My aunt, the one from the previous post, died last night, outliving her son by just over a month.

I can, and do, take a small amount of pleasure in knowing she died alone in her home.  Not "surrounded by her loving family."

Still, FaceBook is full of "the kindest person I've ever known," "we miss you," "a terrible loss to the community"...

Are these people insane?!  Or is this how they deal with reality, shutting it out and remaking it into something rosy and beautiful?

I CAN'T.

I won't.

And I won't play nice and go along.  Or allow my daughter to be exposed to people who are so blind, probably deliberately, to the horrors committed by "loving, wonderful, caring, kind" family members.

I'm done.  The whole clan can go to hell.  I am not necessary to them, and they are poison to me.  I will not allow them to poison my daughter.

Time Does Not Heal

A cousin of mine died a couple of days ago.  He was a year older than me.  Way closer to 50 than 40.

His life was nothing to be proud of.  A prison stint for abusing his girlfriend's children, never convicted of molesting another cousin or his own nieces -- we keep our secrets, this family of mine.  He died a wreck of a human being, a final heart attack after many.

I haven't seen him in three decades or more.  His siblings have fared no better in life: a sister with many children who drinks herself unconscious every day; a brother who is totally immersed in Fundamental Christianity, also with several children who are secluded from all contact except church-related; another brother who appears "normal," but what festers beneath?

What do I remember about this cousin?

I remember standing beside him, before his mother, as the woman grasped his arm and held a flame from a cigarette lighter to his hand.  I remember her telling me that she wished she could do it to me.  She obviously was afraid that my mother might object.  A ridiculous fear.  I remember... I remember knowing there was no one I could tell, no one who would stand for me, protect me, help me.  Certainly not my mother.

I don't remember him crying. 

I was three years old.  But I remember her face, her words. 

My mother, sister and I lived with these people during one of my mother's many "vacations" from her abusive husband.  So many bad things happened in that house, but this is seared into my memory, as clear 45 years later as if it had happened yesterday.  Seared with the flame that scarred him, outside for a while, inside forever.

He chose to deal with the abuse by becoming an abuser.  I do not feel sorry for the man he became.

I cry for the child standing beside me with his hand in the flame...